The best gift for your children is you and you have “this” precise moment to show it to them
Sometimes situations overwhelm us and we can hurt the little people we love the most. And, precisely for this reason, because we love them and they are important to us, we have to become aware and rethink certain things. When I “judge” that what happens shouldn’t happen, and it’s happening right under my nose!…. Then, the worst in me comes out. The alternative is to STOP AND BREATHE. What a paradox when STOP becomes a shortcut! Yes, on the shortest path to becoming the mother we want to be, imperfect but the best for our children.
STOP, BREATHE AND CONNECT with the PRESENT MOMENT ACCEPTING IT WITHOUT JUDGMENT. Almost nothing, right?! It is not easy. It requires perseverance, awareness, self-knowledge and above all self-control. To silence the noise of our mind, that history or internal dialogue that disconnects me from the here and separates me from the now, that contaminates the reality of this precise moment with my judgments, interpretations, evaluations…
What can help you make that “click”?
1. Take a few moments to remember with curiosity who your child is, try to imagine a world seen through their eyes, that is, from their point of view detaching yourself from yours. About to leave the house, your three-year-old son has a pee. Wear it up to your coat! Adults can understand your discomfort. Your child won’t understand your displeasure. “Is it bad to have pee? Has Mom been angry? Yesterday she was super happy when I told her I had pee!
2. Imagine for a few minutes how he sees you and how he hears you.
Would you change the way you’re being? Would you talk to him differently? Would you smile more at him? A question that my children asked me when they were little comes to mind, “Mom, are you angry?” I ask myself now, what would they see in the expression on my face? Was I aware of my impact?
3. Take a few minutes to be aware of the expectations you have placed on your child. Are they the ones that help you the most or are they convenient for you? Do they correspond to your needs or those of your child? Are they just REAL?
4. Practice seeing your child as they are. Accept and welcome him lovingly and generously like the three-, nine-, seven-year-old that he is.
Still, you may feel like you don’t know what to do, what to say, how to act…
Look at the totality of the moment and you can simply DO OR SAY NOTHING. Learning to live with this tension is a long-distance race. STAYING CALM CAN SAVE US from those seconds that change everything, that turn “a moment” and turn it dark.
M. Ángeles Jové
AEIOU Team
www.coachingpadresaeiou.com
